I hope you all have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend. I am very excited for his particular weekend as my life is set to change dramatically, inshallah I see this as a blessing from Allah swt coming to my life.
A lot of people are depending on me to fulfill my dream and I know I have this year to do it.
One of the most important of those people is my own stomach child who has now progressed to 2 years (nearly 3).
Everyday she sees me making phone calls and working on the computer while she has had to entertain herself. She has seen me despair and worry, and cry of happiness for all that has happened to us since we have been on our own. I never thought that in my mid 20s Id be solely responsible for a life but here we are.
I think that is why I am dedicating my gratitude to her.
My dearest Sultana...also known as sou sou, chunky butt, offspring, and stomach child.
When I was pregnant with her I suffered from a very rare condition known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I lost a significant amount of weight, was admitted to the hospital multiple times, and was diagnosed with depression.
I think I should dedicate a post to it later, but I remember one conversation I had with a visiting nurse during those awful 9 months. She told me that she believed very deeply in her heart that God had something for me. That all the suffering would lead to not only a healthy child but an easy baby.
...and it did.
As soon as she came it was like I had been washed over of all the suffering. I stopped getting sick, I started to eat, and my depression subsided in days.
She came out quiet and curious. She came out at peace with the world and with me. Mothers complain about collic and rowdy infants and it was if Sultana was always in a good mood. As soon as she understood what it means to flirt and smile, the whole world became her family.
|Harry Potter Sou sou|
We would walk into a store and not leave for hours because she stole someones heart and they had to either chat it up with her or rock her to sleep. She has made the most sternest of faces on the New York subway melt as she smiled at them. She has even earned money from strangers who for some reason just decided to hand her somethings from their wallets.
And when she sees me sad she jumps to me and hugs me. When she sees me angry she asks me if I am ok. Just like I was washed over before, I get lost sometimes laughing and playing with her and it as if the world is ok and I never had any pain.
Its hard to say that you love being a mom when you are on your own all the time for years. The joy gets sucked out of you and you start to view things as burdens and worries, not blessings. Everyday I fight this...but I think I am better at it now then before.
I named her Sultana because I want her to grow up strong and grounded. I want her to know that her worth doesn't lie in her beauty or charms, or ability to follow the whims of others. I want her to be a true Muslimah, confident in herself, and only worrying about her relationship with Allah.
I named my business after her, because she is my heart.
Allah took my heart and split it, and he put it in her. Now my heart walks outside of my body.
My biggest wish for my daughter is to earn the place of someone she admires and looks up to. I want her to know I will always protect her and love her and I always have her best interests at heart. I want her to love her Islam, and I want to build a life of stability and peace for her. Alhamdoolilah for my daughter. That is what I am grateful for.